Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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