I think my fart just growled at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
