remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
