my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
