This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
