a queef is a wish your heart makes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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