So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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