I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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