The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like eating out sand paper
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize