ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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