Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
