You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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