First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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