my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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