i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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