OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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