Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
