WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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