you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
