did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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