i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
