she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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