My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
