I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
