a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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