it hurts more in the daytime
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Vodka?
Forever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
