Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
