So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm like, not good at living.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
