I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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