I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
