is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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