I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
