good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
