State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
