4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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