And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
