my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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