Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
