Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
