would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
