Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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