i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we should paint friendship bongs
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