she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
