I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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