You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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