no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
