I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
