Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
