i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
