Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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