I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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