there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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