im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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