proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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