sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
