I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
