I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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