Duck Duck Cougar?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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