I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
