He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
