Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
