Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
