last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
