he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
last night I used snow as a chaser
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
