I think my vagina is haunted
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
