I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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