Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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