yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
