Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
