kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
