when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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