dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
