So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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