Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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