btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
