you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
