don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
