its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
