FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize